All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
only if we run a train.
done.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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