On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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