just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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