I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Randomize
