Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
