Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
