Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
