grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
