you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
