Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
