I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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