My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
