I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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