I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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