I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
