I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
