I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
