love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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