dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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