He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
