I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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