my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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