If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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