I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
