the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
