Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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