im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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