i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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