You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
