I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
