1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
