and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
