I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dick very happy bro
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
