Whod you bang
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
