she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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