If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
