one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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