You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
