On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
