Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize