what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
