I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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