I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
