Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
