I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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