yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
