When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
