Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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