I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Terrible idea I love it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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