I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
