if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
