I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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