omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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