shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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