so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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