hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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