so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
