The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Vodka?
Forever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
