im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize