i was born a porn star she said
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
