I want to make a zoo with you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
