Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
