I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
