so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
