let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what day is it and did you see me today?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
