the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
