im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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