True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
