bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
