I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
