i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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