Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
